(Post 3 – Order in the Mess Series)
Creatures choose bonds when going it alone won’t cut it. We humans do the same—starting even smaller and more personal.
The first human assortment is the individual. Every person starts alone in the world—autonomous, making choices to survive. Then comes the deliberate step: choosing a mate. Not random, not forced—attraction, compatibility, shared goals. A man and a woman decide to pair up, to build something together. From that choice comes the family: children born into trust, shared labor, protection. Mom and dad hunt, gather, teach. Kids learn to stay safe, contribute, pass on knowledge. In harsh times (and most of history was harsh), that small unit is the best shot at making it through winter, predators, or scarcity. No one forces it; it’s chosen because it works.
From family grows the next layer: extended kin. Cousins, uncles, grandparents—people who share blood or close ties. They pool resources, watch each other’s backs, trade labor. A village of 50–150 people (the size our brains can handle real relationships) becomes the next natural group. Shared language, customs, stories around the fire. Inclusion isn’t automatic; newcomers have to prove they add value—hunt well, share food, respect the rules. Outsiders who don’t fit get pushed out or drift away. Exit is possible too—families or individuals leave when tensions rise or resources thin. Fission-fusion: groups split and merge as needed.
Why these limits? Same as the sardines in Post 2. Too small a group, and you’re vulnerable to raids or starvation. Too big, and fights break out over food, mates, status. Trust erodes when you can’t know everyone personally. So humans actively sort: Kin preference first (easiest trust), then proven allies (reciprocity, common values), always with boundaries to keep it workable.
Geography played a huge role too, as Thomas Sowell has pointed out in his books on culture and conquest. In rugged mountains, deserts, dense forests, or poor rivers, travel was hard or impossible. Groups stayed small, fragmented, and kin-focused—limited to whoever was close enough to interact and support each other. Flat land, navigable rivers, or coasts allowed bigger connections, trade, and larger groups. But even then, the natural quotas held: bonds formed for survival perks, not endless mixing.
This isn’t forced top-down; it’s bottom-up, survival-driven. Choose bonds that help you live longer, raise kids, pass on knowledge. Arbitrary mixing (everyone welcome, no standards) or forced inclusion (you must join, no exit) rarely happens in early human life because it fails the test—groups collapse from conflict or weakness.
These first human patterns—individual to family to tribe—show the same script as nature: autonomy within the group, chosen association for survival, active limits to make it last. But as groups grew bigger and more complex, some choices went the other way. We’ll look at that next.
One bond at a time.
—TheGratefulImmigrant Saint Paul, Minnesota
January 20, 2026
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